It was the first day of my freshman year of high school when I walked through the heavy red Logan High School doors. I wanted to turn around and get back into my mom's warm car. Unfortunately (I know we all felt like this) I knew that wasn't a reasonable option. I hardly knew anybody, I had gone to a charter school my 8th grade year and knew public school would be a lot different. The Student Body Officers helped me find my classes. I smiled at everyone hoping I would spark up at least one friendship.
On a scale from 1 to super confident, my confidence level was a flat 2. I hated school and faked sick all the time. My grades reflected my attitude toward school. Looking back at this time in my life, I wish I could say "Hey! You're great! Nobody cares as much as you think they do!" I hardly had any friends my freshman year and when a teacher asked me something I would get extremely nervous. Once a classmate even laughed at me because I turned red. I wished I could be like everyone else, pretty, smart, well liked. I didn't know that my toughest judge was myself. My fear? Was what everyone thought of me. I was on the volleyball team but quit after my freshman year, despite my major improvements, because I honestly couldn't handle the pressure of people watching me play.
Something happened the summer before my Sophomore year. Like a slap in the face, I realized that I was an okay person and nobody really even noticed when I said the wrong thing. They were too concerned about what everyone thought of them. My goal sophomore year was to notice the good in people instead of trying to be noticed by kids who were "cool". I made so many friends my sophomore year, I stopped caring about what people thought. I started building myself up instead of tearing myself down.
"Those who mind, don't matter.
Those who matter, don't mind."
-Dr. Seuss
-Dr. Seuss
I love singing. I have ALWAYS loved singing. Even when someone told me I was off key at a karaoke night and I thought I would never sing in public again, I kept practicing it alone in my room accompanying myself with my nylon string acoustic. Once I was singing with my friends in a car on our way to get 7/11 slushees (remember how the person who could drive first in high school was always the cool one). One of them told me that they didn't know I could sing. I can only imagine I said something self defeating. I didn't think I could sing, I just knew I liked doing it. They told me I should try out for the choir. I listened to that friend, and goodness I am extremely glad I did!
Auditions were only in front of 4 people, but to me that was 400% more people than I was used to singing in front of. I remember I even spelled choir wrong I was so nervous. I spelled it "quoir". I made it, and singing became my life. I sang ALL THE TIME (I still do). Suddenly pushing myself to sing in front of people became a way to kick that insecure demon inside of me out to the gutter. "Sayonara biotch!" My choir took first overall at Nationals, I went to a state competition with an aria (aria pretty much just means opera), and I started singing in front of hundreds of people at least once a month. Eventually thousands of people, and I got talent scouted to go sing in Nashville for a music company that started Jason Mraz's career (which I chose to turn down because it was either that or college, every time finals come around I wish I hadn't.)
Singing in front of people STILL terrifies me. I still become insecure all the time. However I found that there is a power in doing those things that scare me. A power that transforms me from a small town girl to the next Beyonce (okay maybe that's a bit extreme but you get it). I know that if I mess up, I will always be proud of myself for trying. Nobody will remember my mess up in a few years time unless I remind them. My senior year I was Senior Vice President, on the golf team, CX team, in a million clubs, and close to a 4.0 student. I'm not saying this to show off, I don't even know if anyone is going to actually read this. To put an end to this long story (if you read this whole thing, you are amazing and I will personally take you out to lunch), I hope you do something that scares you every day. You'll eventually realize nothing is impossible.
XOXO Lauren
